Conservosphere Vox

    I walked into court yesterday to defend a client ticketed for DUI. The courtroom was the same as it has always been, but I noticed something this time. I can't believe it had always been there, but it never registered before.
    I noticed that, besides my client, nearly every defendant in the courtroom was black or Hispanic. They were all being defended by a single over-worked court-appointed African-American lawyer. The only nonwhite working in the courthouse. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
    This man wouldn't be here if it weren't for affirmative action. A more deserving white man should be in his place. I see it everywhere, left and right. Last year ten of the Fortune 500 companies were run by women. Up from nine in 2005. This year there both a female and an African-American Presidential candidate. All these people should be old white guys.
    Face it my white brothers, those of us running America are part of an endangered species. Something needs to be done to protect white men at the top from falling from grace. We need affirmative action for white men. Or elite white men only colleges. Ivy League schools like Harvard and Yale have been too diverse for too long. It's time to start taking action America. They aren't going to keep this white man down any longer.

It seems like gas prices only go up when people need gas the most. It's a conspiracy. Check back with me later, I am going to look into this further.

    Every time I see illegal Hispanics trimming neighborhood lawns and trees I'm reminded of the sad state of immigration in the U.S. I imagine all the sad American citizens who aren't working because those Mexicans took their jobs. And in the future, little Davey Junior will never have the opportunity to trim lawns and hedges. In addition, he will never dare to dream of becoming a dishwasher, janitor, or ditch-digger. Only because my neighbors, and I guess me, will save a few hundred dollars a year on lawn service. It makes me sad.
    What really upsets me is all the benefits these illegal immigrants are taking from hard-working Americans like me and you. They get the same benefits of our legal system, health care, and general infrastructure as we do. I paid my dues growing up on a farm in a little rural community called Bellaire in Southern California. As a boy, I toiled the days away doing my daily chores. What have these lazy illegals done? Yes America, we have to stop all these immigrants from pouring into our country from south of the border. Can you imagine what America would have been if so many immigrants had come to our country in the past?
    On top of it all, these people never even bother to learn English. I often visiting my retired parents in Cabo. In his short 5 year stint in Mexico, my father has already become fluent in Spanish. Just the other weekend I overheard him chatting it up with a local, "Me gusta su biblioteca." -"Mi bicicleta?" -"No! Su biblioteca."
    America, we have to stop this influx of people crowding our land. It's only a matter of time before an illegal lawyer immigrant swims across the Rio Grande and replaces me at Worthington, Lehman, & Associates. Please, don't let that day come.

Would you say it is a good idea for a woman to have an abortion if she is a crack addict and her husband is a male whore? Oh yeah? Well that baby was Albert Einstein. Jew hater!!!

Book: Show us a book that you like to give as a gift.
Submitted by Ross.

Only liberals read books. What are you going to get from them? A bunch of facts? I don't need a bunch of facts and opinion polls to tell me what's what. I shoot from the hip. That's what Ronald Regan did. Do you have a problem with that? Then I'd like to see you tell him to his face!!!

    I read an article today that said scientist are trying to isolate the "gay gene." Scientists are so stupid. Can you believe those blue-blooded fools? It is deftly apparent that God did not make people gay. It's simple common sense that being gay is a choice.
    I can clearly remember the day I chose to be straight. I was in gym class at the ripe age of 15. The moment I saw Jennifer in those short shorts, I knew I was never going back. Oh yes, there were some reservations. I must say, my best friend Sean was quite a strapping young fellow. But that day, I knew which choice was the right one. Was it Jesus guiding me? Yes, probably.
    Exhibit B, and a good example for all you young gays out there, is my roommate Mark, who used to be a homosexual. However, he made the decision to be straight in front of Jesus, God, and everybody last year. This was just before Mark became my roommate, but that's inconsequential, I guess (or "I reckon," as the President would say ;-). Anyway, Mark and his friend, Tristam (pictured below), a male model, have both made the decision to become straight. Where did they find the strength to do it? Through God and each other. And dare I say, from friends like me. Once a week, we have a pajama party. I tell you, we have a lot of good, straight fun during those parties. We bake cakes and always end up having pillow fights. But, at the end of each night, we huddle together in our clean, silk pajamas and pray. What more evidence do you need? Tristam and Mark have traded Will and Grace for Jesus and Christ. Case closed!!! Try and argue against that, you bleeding hearted liberals!

Tristam

    I hate the thought of an Earth day. It's really just a chance for hippies to get together and sing Kumbaya. But the President has made it clear that he would like Americans to try and conserve energy - when, of course, it does not cripple the economy. As you may know, I always support our great President, so I've decided to do my part.
    When I heard that fluorescent light bulbs use only 5% of the energy of a regular light bulb, I decided it was time to act. On the way home from work, I loaded up my Hummer with as many of these fluorescent light bulbs as I could carry. Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially green.